


Starship Captain, Part IV: U.S.S. Stargazer (2333-2355)

by mrpicard



Series: Starship Captain [4]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Gen, USS Stargazer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-13 23:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2169654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrpicard/pseuds/mrpicard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean-Luc Picard and his first love - the USS Stargazer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_2340_   
_USS Stargazer 2893_

 

Jean-Luc looked at the piles of PADDs on his desk and sighed deeply. Reviewing personnel applications was not exactly his favorite pastime - he hated to be the one who had to decide over other peoples' lives by either approving or rejecting little pieces of data on PADDs.  
  
He glanced at the three applications he had already selected for approval, among them one that had been sent in by one of his closest friends. He had not selected it because of that, of course. In fact, he had actually thought about not selecting it at all just _because_ they were close friends - but that would have been foolish since he needed someone who was able stay calm when things became tough, someone to rely on.  
  
And really, Jack Crusher _was_ the best man for that kind of job.


	2. Chapter 2

_2341_  
 _LaBarre, France_  
  
  
  
Jean-Luc looked at the rather lovely flowers on the grave in front of which he was standing.  
  
He had not been able to attend the funeral, the Stargazer had been too far away from Earth. It was perhaps just as well, though - he wasn't sure if his father would have wanted him to be there anyway.   
  
Probably not.  
  
And yet, despite all the years of bitterness and resentment from both sides, Jean-Luc suddenly felt sad.  
  
After all, there _had_ been a time when he had actually gotten along with his father - before had become so obsessed with starships that he had talked about nothing else. Memories of him and his father happily walking around between vines flooded through his mind and Jean-Luc actually had to fight the urge to cry.

He slowly placed a flower on the grave.  
  
"Goodbye, Father."


	3. Chapter 3

 

_April 8th, 2342_   
_Paris, France_

 

 

 

Jean-Luc paced back and forth in his hotel room, cursing inwardly. It was all so ridiculous - he was 37 years old, and yet nervous like a teenager.  
  
He knew it would be more than just difficult to tell Jenice about his decision tomorrow, but he had to, he couldn't simply leave her, not just like that... or could he?  
  
He looked at the picture that he was holding in his hand. Jenice was incredibly beautiful, insanely intelligent, perfect in every way . Their relationship had the potential to become much more than it already was.  
  
And yet he knew it was not meant to be.  
  
He was a starship captain, there was no room in his life for a wife, a husband or even simply an on-going intimate relationship. Of course there had been a few short and passionate love affairs in the past few years, but they had never ended up in anything serious because Jean-Luc couldn't afford this kind of distraction. He knew there were other captains who handled this issue differently - but _he_ could not, his duty to Starfleet was more important to him than _anything_ else, including love.  
  
His face darkened when he thought about telling Jenice that he would leave her for a _starship_. She would not understand, she would probably start to cry, and she would beg him to stay, and -  
  
No.  
  
He _would_ leave with the Stargazer tomorrow - but _without_ meeting Jenice before. He would simply not show up.  
  
Yes, that sounded reasonable. Besides, Jenice would soon forget about him anyway, she would find another man, someone who truly deserved her love, and was able to love her back without hesitation.  
  
Jean-Luc just hoped to never encounter her again.


	4. Chapter 4

_2346_   
_USS Stargazer_   
_Sector 21503_   
  
  
  


"Captain, I'm detecting a Cardassian vessel on an intercept course. They're closing in fast and will be within weapons range in about twenty seconds."  
  
"Raise shields," the first officer ordered.  
  
"Belay that order," Jean-Luc said quickly. "I don't want to provoke them in any way. They might just want to say hello."  
  
"Are you sure this is wise, Captain?" the first officer asked.  
  
"Commander, sometimes a gesture of good will -"  
  
The ship suddenly shuddered from the impact of what were clearly Cardassian photon torpedoes.  
  
"On the other hand - raise shields!"  
  
"Yes, sir!" Vigo said, as usual the embodiment of calmness. "They really hit us, though. Phasers are non-functional, as are the impulse engines."  
  
"Fire photon torpedoes," Jean-Luc barked. "Confuse them long enough and then engage at maximum warp!"   
  
_'What the hell have we done wrong NOW? Why can't they simply TALK to us for a change?!'_  
  
He was fairly certain that, if the Cardassians continued this aggressive approach towards Federation starships that came too close to their border, sooner or later war would be inevitable.  
  
He hated the very thought already.


	5. Chapter 5

_2347_  
 _LaBarre, France_  
  
  
  
Jean-Luc was breathing heavily from quite a sprint through various hospital corridors when he finally found Robert in one of them. His brother was leaning against a wall, staring into nothingness.  
  
"How is she?" Jean-Luc demanded and straightened his uniform jacket.  
  
Robert didn't even try to hide the resentment in his voice. "What do _you_ care? You've only visited her _once_ in the last six years. If I hadn't sent you a message, you wouldn't know _anything_ about all this. Shame on you. You _were_ always her favorite."  
  
"Robert, stop it. Let's not argue, not here and not now. Please, tell me how she is."  
  
"The doctors say there's nothing they can do for her. She isn't expected to survive the night." Robert pointed at a nearby door. "She's in there. I've already..." - his voice trembled ever so slightly - "said goodbye."  
  
Jean-Luc walked up to the door, waited for it to open and then entered the room.  
  
There she was, lying in bed, her face gray, her eyes tired. And yet - when she realized who had come to visit her, a weak smile spread across her face.  
  
"Jean-Luc?! You've really come? Just for me?"  
  
"Yes, Maman."  
  
"I hope you didn't have to interrupt one of your missions...?"  
  
He decided not to mention that he had ignored pretty much _every single_ Starfleet regulation when he had given the order to take the Stargazer back to Earth immediately, so he simply shook his head and sat down on the chair next to her bed.  
  
"Good. I wouldn't want you to do that. Your ship is so important to you." She looked at him and smiled. "But I'm glad you could come."  
  
He could no longer hold back the tears when he saw how happy she was to see him. "Maman… I'm so sorry I didn't come to visit you more often... I should have been there for you, especially after Father’s death, I -"  
  
"Nonsense. You were busy with your missions. I managed. And besides, Robert was there to help me."  
  
"I'm glad you're not mad at me."  
  
"Why should I be? You're a Starfleet captain, you can’t just rush home whenever you want. And besides, I always knew you'd command a starship one day. I had quite a few years to prepare myself for the fact that you'd be gone most of the time."  
  
Jean-Luc felt the tears streaming down his face. "I don't know what I would have done without you, Maman. Without your support I would never have become what I am today, and -"  
  
"Sssh. You don't have to thank me." She sighed happily. "I've always been so proud of you, Jean-Luc."  
  
She closed her eyes.  
  
Jean-Luc took her hand and squeezed it gently.  
  
She squeezed back - and then her grip slowly lost its strength.


	6. Chapter 6

_2354_  
 _Starbase 32_  
  
  
  
Jack Crusher was dead.  
  
Granted, it was not the first dead body of a fellow officer that Jean-Luc was looking at - but it _was_ the first one of a fellow officer that had also been a very close friend for many, many years.  
  
And _he_ had ordered him to his death.  
  
Jean-Luc slowly put the white blanket over the body.  
  
Beverly would be here any minute in order to have one last look at her husband. She and Wesley had taken the news rather calmly when Jean-Luc had told them that Jack would never come home again, but he _had_ seen the complete and utter devastation in their eyes.  
  
He had no idea how to ever make them forgive him for what he had done.


	7. Chapter 7

_2355_   
_Maxia Zeta System_   
  
  
  


Jean-Luc stared out of the shuttlecraft's tiny window.  
  
The Stargazer was badly damaged, huge parts of her burning silently in space.  
  
He had had to abandon her.   
  
There had been no other way.  
  
And yet it hurt like hell.  
  
It was all _his_ fault.  
  
Or wasn't it?  
  
The rational part of his mind told him that he was _not_ responsible, that the unknown ship that had attacked them without provocation was to blame.   
  
But still... the fact remained that he had lost her.  
  
And there was no way of ever getting her back.


End file.
